just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
