Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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