Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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