she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is the high leading the old right now
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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