I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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