drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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