You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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