It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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