You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
