So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
