yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
