she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You need Xanax blowdarts
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
