Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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