I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
