Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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