just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
