I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
