some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
