so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
