so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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