i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Life is so much better after having sex.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
