Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
