Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
