i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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