you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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