I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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