dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
