some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
