Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize