Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
