Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
