well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm getting married
To pizza
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
