the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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