eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
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She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
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I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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