Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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