No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
