Fine. I'll sleep in my office
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
