All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
