I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
