you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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