whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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