what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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