just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
