Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i now understand why vodka
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
