please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
