He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
