Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
