I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
