I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
