I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
nutella sex= disaster
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
