he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So much rum. So many feels.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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