Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
