I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
