Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Your cock deserves a montage
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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