Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
