No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
