What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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