if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
