So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
