im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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