i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
