I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
