I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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