Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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