tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
