I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
