Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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