There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I made him laugh his dick is mine
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
