I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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