i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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