i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
