I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
