Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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