The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
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