Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
