God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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