There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
